Does this tell you it is 4 am and are you wondering why in holy green pastures, I would be up at this hour?
--well you are not alone cuz I am wondering the same thing-

Gee--could it be the mothering instinct? --that had me up every hour feeling like something was left undone or over done--finally I give in to the wee small voice at 3 am ish--thinking it is buyer's remorse as I traded-in my love of my life Z-28 Camero for a 2002 Ford Escape--but lo- as I get downstairs --eyes half shut--it really must have been mother instinct-- because one of my boys left the freaking oven on (since only God really knows when)

I am thinking about how many hours of totally wasted gas, and oven usage-thinking whatever is in here is surely beyond recognition--when I open the door--guess what? we seemed to be cooking an empty baking pan--say for only probly 5-7 hours- no big deal-cooking nothing is always a good thing at 3 am--I am sure the oven doesn't mind-

then just for the heck of it, as I continue to still feel that motherly "something is still not right" vibe --I venture to the sliding glass doors and find no one bothered to turn off the pump for the pool---the daily 3 hours maintenence schedule has turned into (God only really knows) how many added hours of electicity running needlessly--how about tripling your electric bill? Great eh? it's only money eh?

Unplugging the pump------my whole body senses an immediate "ahhhhhh" --- serenity at last--the house did not burn down--the pool pump did not explode----I can relax now--reflecting on teenagers and what sheer joys they are---I can finally get back to sleep now-- at peace with things---- only until I get the electric and gas bill---only until I see my sons' smiling faces---whichever one comes first-- LOOK OUT-----a sleep deprevated raging, menopausal blonde mother (that would me) is gonna kick some teenager butt-----ahh -----the sweet sounds of college and them going to those sweet sounds! I am thinking--- is this payback for my teenager days? I wasn't that bad---was I ?? chuckle chuckle- good night--oops- I mean good morning--Good very EARLY morning-to YOU

Baggage....not the trash....not for airplanes-trips, or travel- -baggage that really wears us down--mental, emotional-from- the-past baggage---we learn to let go--that saves us mentally----but at what point does letting go invalidate us---what about setting boundaries? not getting walked on for the 100th time...what is the difference between being assertive for self-care's sake---without loosing energy in a negative way that could be put to better use and just letting it go--how many times do we just "let it go" without feeling like a door mat? Is it possible to set boundaries, so we feel validated without creating this monster of emotional baggage? What do we do with this baggage? Process it in healthy ways and carry on--or fester about it till it make us crazy?

When we set boundaries, are we labeled as "self-centered"? Self-care is NOT being selfish in the truest sense--and why is it bad to be a little selfish when it comes to our own well-being? Bit of irony---we are danged if we do and danged if we don't.

I spent too many years beating myself up for things I could not control and I refuse to let any BAGGAGE (past, present or future) get the best of me---so if that is selfish, then I guess I am--maybe it is high time--a good healthy selfish>--yes I believe there is such a thing-

-healthy selfish gets you to your workout, gets you to your massage, or manicure or pedicure--healthy selfish allows you to say "no" without feeling guilty when your plate is already full enough--it gives you permission to have a day off, a hot bubble bath, a game of golf or lunch with a friend-

healthy selfish is far from vanity--it is an intangible contract you make with YOU to take time FOR YOU---getting the doctor's check-up, drinking your water, getting enough sleep, having fun! We all need to be healthy selfish!
Don't you agree? Battle the baggage! --- Happy first week of August!